Miss you most when I’m happy

Current mood. Missing my mama so very much these days. I am still basking in that new mom bliss and so in love with my precious baby girl. I’m filled with positivity, hopes, and dreams for the future. I’m happier than I have been in a long, long time. 

And yet, the sadness is still here. I say still because I somehow thought things would change. I remember some rough days during my pregnancy, feeling lost, alone (and very hormonal). Once the baby’s here, I told myself, it won’t hurt like this. I won’t miss her so intensely. As it turned out, having a child had very little to do with missing your mother. One is happy and one is sad, but one does not cancel out the other. Some things have changed, but others have not. Grief is fluid and shapeless, without a pattern or direction. You don’t know where it is going, only that it will always persist in some shape or form.


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