Dear non-baby parents, I will hold my baby as much as I freaking want to.

I will hold my baby as much as I feel like and I don’t care what anyone thinks about it.

Dear grandma, friends, and random strangers,

Why do you offer your misguided advice to me about not holding my baby girl? I’ve heard it it all at this point:

  • Try putting her down more – Umm yeah, no shit. Guess what? Tried that. Didn’t work.
  • Do you always hold her? – Define always. When she cries, yes. When she needs me, yes.
  • She’s going to get too used to being held – Last time I checked, babies are babies. Tiny helpless humans who can’t do things on their own. I can’t exactly reason with her and explain why everything will be fine if mommy doesn’t pick her up when she gets scared or lonely.
  • You’re doing to spoil her – Spoil her into what? Thinking she’s loved, and cared for? I’ll take the risk.

Snarky thoughts aside, the truth is that my baby girl will quickly grow. She was just born it feels like, and she’s already now a four month old with a personality and the sweetest chubby legs. Moments are fleeting.

Soon, I won’t be able to hold her with one arm anymore. Soon after that, she won’t fit into my lap. Soon, I will be back at work and she will be in school. These rainy days of cuddles and quietness will be gone. And then one day, she won’t want me to hold or cuddle her anymore. I know this for a fact. I remember my sweet mother saying things like “Come cuddle with me. You’re still my baby” and me rolling my eyes with preteen attitude and awkwardness. How I wish I could take up my mother on her offer now.

I gave birth to this child to love, protect, and cherish it. Not to hide behind a closed door as it screams for half an hour,  its little face red with exhaustion and desperation. She sleeps perfectly at night but doesn’t like to nap much during the day. She will only fall asleep nursing. It works great for her. It’s exhausting for me, but I’m okay with that. Because like I said, she will grow faster than I can ever imagine.

Yes, it’s hard caring for a baby. I would know – I’m a motherless mama without a lot of help other than my husband and occasionally mother in law and dad. Yes, I have days when I want to curl up into a ball and cry. And I have. And that’s ok. But it’s not my child’s fault that her mama is tired.

I know I will be judged for saying this, but I am so against the crying it out method. There is nothing more traumatic for a mother than hearing her child scream. I don’t care why she’s screaming, all I care about is that I’m there to comfort and assure her that she is loved and safe.

Yes, I’m tired. Yes, I need a break. Don’t all moms? But I will hold my baby girl when she needs. I will let her nap on me if that’s the only way she will sleep. I will cuddle her all day when she’s sick. Why? Because I’m her mom and that’s what moms do.

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